I choose not to be defined by hidden anger.
I choose not to be defined by current grief.
I choose not to be defined by misdirected emotions.
I choose.
Ah.
Aha!
What do YOU choose, beloveds. There are no victims here.
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Do NOT fall for the foolishness that you are helpless, hopeless, or any of the less that we have been taught to feel.
Be encouraged.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
I refuse to be the tornado 🌪.
I refuse to allow anger to destroy my present.
I refuse to allow grief to disrupt my future.
Yes, I am angry at death.
Yes, I grieve.
Still, life goes on.
I CHOOSE life.
I choose to tell anger that it shall NOT speak for me.
Anger is an imposter. Anger disguises what is truly felt. I choose to deal with my actual grief, disbelief, despair, and wondering, in real time. Now. Here.
Beloveds, life gets to lifing. Don’t hide. It’s okay to despair. It’s okay to not be okay until you are okay.
I generally try to limit myself from bombarding folk inbox with my love and care.
Please understand, beloveds. Life is short. I don’t know how many days I have left. I don’t know how many days YOU have left.
I don’t know who may need what words. I don’t know which words may be needed by what person. So, I write. As God told me. Receive, if needed.
Yet, don’t discard these words. They are costing me everything. 😢
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am doing my level best to encourage as many as I can. Even as I grieve. Even as I wonder.
I refuse to allow death to mark my days with sadness. I am sad. Still, I have joy. Still, I look forward to my future.
Life is more than the pain you have suffered, beloveds. Life is so very much more than your unrealized dreams. Live. Love. Laugh. Rejoice. Through the hard. In the rain. We got this. Okay, we may not got this today. But that’s okay. I love you.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
God: Write.
Me: I don’t know how.
God: Write.
Me: I don’t know what to say.
God: Write.
Me: Okay.
writing when even as I don’t know what to say now other than “what in the actual fuck, sis?”,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: God gave me this same mandate, beloveds, just after mom passed away. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
Back then, I was ready for the words clamoring to burst from my tattered soul. So, I didn’t. So, I couldn’t. For years. Eventually, pen jumped into my unwilling hands. I wrote.
Now, I am not ready for the words clamoring to burst from my tattered soul. I write anyway. I have no idea what my heart shall reveal.
We shall see, beloveds, in real time. Together. Ah, God. What do I DO with me now. Asking for a friend.
Be encouraged. Life is good. Even when unbelievably cruel, heartless, mean, fucked up, whacked out.😳😢😡🤯😭🤬😠🤯☔️☔️🤮🤢🤦♀️😵💫😲😥☕️🏈📺🚽
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Love.
A little dab will do ya.
Hope.
A little dab will do ya.
Laughter.
A little dab will do ya.
Perspective.
A little dab will do ya.
Empathy.
A little dab will do ya.
Add a dab to your day.🥰😎
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be sure to add some love to your day!
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
No words for today.
Nada.
None.
Zilch.
Today was soooooooo beyond hard. So hard, in fact, I could barely see hard in the rearview mirror.
Today was sooooooooo…
Even the writer in me have no words.
Whew.
Whew!
WHEW!!
Still, I am STILL standing!
On FAITH.
Sustained by hope.
Uplifted by ABBA.
Carried by The Spirit.
Floating on the breeze of laughter.
Buoyed by the support of caring fam and friends.
Encouraged by the fight in me.
Ah, God, I hurt. Still, I love. Still, I dream. Still, I rejoice. Still, I am hopeful.
I’m walking straight, wombie.
I’m getting the coffee ready for our chat, mom.
Still, I rise.
Rise, beloveds. You can. Grief comes and goes. Life lifes. Hard can be beyond hard. Yet, we go on. We got thangs to do.
Don’t let anger keep you down. Don’t allow hurt to cause you to walk into a prison of your own making. Come out from there!
In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.
I wondered how I would survive work. I did. I wondered if grief would visit. It did. Yet, joy crowded it out and now I am singing, badly. I am listening to my motivational videos. I am fixing to fix me something to eat.
I wondered if I could DO my daily routine WITHOUT twin here. I can. I will. I have to.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Keep doing the day, beloveds. Even when you don’t know how you can. Even when you think you can’t. Even when you can’t see your way out. You WILL find the way. I promise. Better yet, GOD has promised. 😎👍🥰
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Anger will NOT have the last word today.
Nuff said.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Look down, beloveds. What have you CHOSEN to stand on today? What you are standing on, YOU have chosen.
You can’t blame life. You can’t blame others. You can’t blame your circumstances.
Okay, you could blame those things. You’d be incorrect. Once the thing has been done, you DECIDE. YOU act. YOU choose.
I choose to try. I choose love. I choose to wade through the hard. Be encouraged. We got this. I promise this is the last piece for the day. I think.
Still, I think losing my twin should give me an unlimited reaching out pass for the day.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Life has gone and got all up in my face, beloveds.
Life: What are you going to do NOW, Cassandra?
Me: Sheeeeeuuuuit.
It’s a have to, beloveds. Life has challenged me. Life may be challenging you.
Whatcha gonna DO with your hard?
figuring out the doing of this particular brand of wtf,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. Remember, we CAN. We WILL. It just seems impossibly hard, right now. We have overcome many a hard thing, beloveds. We SHALL overcome this later pile of…uh, oh. Smh
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
I am making some lemon meringue pie with the lemons life has brought.
Sustained anger, beloveds, can and WILL turn destructive. IF we let it.
I CHOOSE to tell anger to kick rocks. I have thangs to do. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I want to kick and scream.
Alas, I do have a job to prepare for. I DO have a life to live in the middle of all this freshly painted what in the fresh hell.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
Hurt as you must. Rage as you will. Then, love someone. Starting with you.
We SHALL find a way. Some kind of what. Sure is tough to stay pissed for long when you are called and meant to be an encourager. Crap.😳🤔🤗
It’s okay to let grief have her say. Just don’t allow her to be a permanent resident…
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be good to you whilst life appears to be picking on your life. Life is just lifing. Fresh heckamiah. I am currently listening to some praise music and praying for all needing comfort. Starting with me. Let me hear from you. You may encourage someone who really do need some comfort…
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
God, can I be loud(angry) today?🤬
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am going to try and use my anger for good today.
Today, I rage for EVERY heart who has/have to:
Suck it up.
Go to work.
Keep it moving.
Keep moving FORWARD.
Keep looking UP.
Hold on.
Hold fast.
Stand ten toes down on FAITH.
Keep hope alive.
Find peace in the day.
Seize opportunity.
Pay bills.
Uplift others.
Encourage others.
Love others.
Love yourself.
Eat.
Pray.
Rinse.
Repeat.
…when they are the very LAST things you want to do.
Beloveds, we have to. We will. But, not today. Today, we gone feel what we feel. Today, we are going to chuck some lemons at whosoever is foolish enough to give us platitudes today. Today, we hide our hurt, anger, fear, anxiety, sad and ALL the things that beset us, and have a damned temper tantrum for the whole world to see that we don’t give two damns about worrying on THEIR feelings about OUR pain. Fuck that. Our pain IS legit. I rage for us all. Tomorrow, I shall return to my uplifting self. Today, fuck that. I am fixing to start a fuck that series on my channel. Should be interesting.
Be encouraged, beloveds. We got this. Yes, even THIS pile of excrement delivered in lemon rinds.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
I was just about to get on the fake it til you make it train. I decided NOT to board. I told my mad that SHE was in charge today!
I can NOT bring back my twin. I can NOT stop this bouquet of lemons. I CAN and DO decide to let my mad do with them AND me as she pleases. It shall be an interesting today. These are her first morning salvo texts:
I am NOT okay. I don’t have the bandwidth to pretend I am. I realize ALL I have done since sis passed, since ALL this job hard/ridiculous when it doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be, 17 months of trying to find work hell, tornado, trying to overcome tornado, find a job AND maintain fam relationships, AND make sure twin was okay by calling EVERY day, doing/saying/giving ALL that I have/had has led up to a passed away twin, a damned test on things we don’t know what the hell as we literally have not been able to use the system has all led up to… a pile of hot garbage. Dammit, Lynette, what in the actual fuck have you gone and done at THIS blasted time when it has taken ALL this time to come back from hell just to be put back in it and HAVE to fake it til I make it today?! ANFW.🤬😳😥
One of my bro responded and told me to feel what I feel. I said:
What in the actual fuck? I am angry. I want to call and cuss her out. I can’t which is making me more angry! I don’t swear 🤬. Crap.
This shall be an interesting day. I shall endeavor to be civil and uplifting in this space as I already have a week’s worth of uplifting posts WRITTEN WHEN MY STUPID TWIN WAS ALIVE BUT NOW SHE IS NOT AND I HAVE TO TRY AND MOVE FORWARD AND MOVE PAST AND STAND TEN TOES DOWN ON FAITH AND TRY ANX PASS A DAMNED TEST I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS GOING ON WHILE TRYING TO CONSOLE SIBLINGS WHEN NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REAL AND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK, SIS?!
aski
wondering what in the actual fuck,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am embarrassed. I have blogged for FIVE years. I have encouraged the entire world for five years. I needed the world. The world was it’s usual silent self. Embarrassing. I checked an empty inbox. Embarrassing.
Thanks, Britta, and the few who at least gave a like. My heart was glad.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 