I was just about to get on the fake it til you make it train. I decided NOT to board. I told my mad that SHE was in charge today!
I can NOT bring back my twin. I can NOT stop this bouquet of lemons. I CAN and DO decide to let my mad do with them AND me as she pleases. It shall be an interesting today. These are her first morning salvo texts:
I am NOT okay. I don’t have the bandwidth to pretend I am. I realize ALL I have done since sis passed, since ALL this job hard/ridiculous when it doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be, 17 months of trying to find work hell, tornado, trying to overcome tornado, find a job AND maintain fam relationships, AND make sure twin was okay by calling EVERY day, doing/saying/giving ALL that I have/had has led up to a passed away twin, a damned test on things we don’t know what the hell as we literally have not been able to use the system has all led up to… a pile of hot garbage. Dammit, Lynette, what in the actual fuck have you gone and done at THIS blasted time when it has taken ALL this time to come back from hell just to be put back in it and HAVE to fake it til I make it today?! ANFW.🤬😳😥
One of my bro responded and told me to feel what I feel. I said:
What in the actual fuck? I am angry. I want to call and cuss her out. I can’t which is making me more angry! I don’t swear 🤬. Crap.
This shall be an interesting day. I shall endeavor to be civil and uplifting in this space as I already have a week’s worth of uplifting posts WRITTEN WHEN MY STUPID TWIN WAS ALIVE BUT NOW SHE IS NOT AND I HAVE TO TRY AND MOVE FORWARD AND MOVE PAST AND STAND TEN TOES DOWN ON FAITH AND TRY ANX PASS A DAMNED TEST I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS GOING ON WHILE TRYING TO CONSOLE SIBLINGS WHEN NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REAL AND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK, SIS?!
aski
wondering what in the actual fuck,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am embarrassed. I have blogged for FIVE years. I have encouraged the entire world for five years. I needed the world. The world was it’s usual silent self. Embarrassing. I checked an empty inbox. Embarrassing.
Thanks, Britta, and the few who at least gave a like. My heart was glad.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 