Life has gone and got all up in my face, beloveds.
Life: What are you going to do NOW, Cassandra?
Me: Sheeeeeuuuuit.
It’s a have to, beloveds. Life has challenged me. Life may be challenging you.
Whatcha gonna DO with your hard?
figuring out the doing of this particular brand of wtf, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. Remember, we CAN. We WILL. It just seems impossibly hard, right now. We have overcome many a hard thing, beloveds. We SHALL overcome this later pile of…uh, oh. Smh
I am making some lemon meringue pie with the lemons life has brought.
Sustained anger, beloveds, can and WILL turn destructive. IF we let it.
I CHOOSE to tell anger to kick rocks. I have thangs to do. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I want to kick and scream.
Alas, I do have a job to prepare for. I DO have a life to live in the middle of all this freshly painted what in the fresh hell.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
Hurt as you must. Rage as you will. Then, love someone. Starting with you.
We SHALL find a way. Some kind of what. Sure is tough to stay pissed for long when you are called and meant to be an encourager. Crap.😳🤔🤗
It’s okay to let grief have her say. Just don’t allow her to be a permanent resident…
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be good to you whilst life appears to be picking on your life. Life is just lifing. Fresh heckamiah. I am currently listening to some praise music and praying for all needing comfort. Starting with me. Let me hear from you. You may encourage someone who really do need some comfort…
Note: I am going to try and use my anger for good today.
Today, I rage for EVERY heart who has/have to:
Suck it up.
Go to work.
Keep it moving.
Keep moving FORWARD.
Keep looking UP.
Hold on.
Hold fast.
Stand ten toes down on FAITH.
Keep hope alive.
Find peace in the day.
Seize opportunity.
Pay bills.
Uplift others.
Encourage others.
Love others.
Love yourself.
Eat.
Pray.
Rinse.
Repeat.
…when they are the very LAST things you want to do.
Beloveds, we have to. We will. But, not today. Today, we gone feel what we feel. Today, we are going to chuck some lemons at whosoever is foolish enough to give us platitudes today. Today, we hide our hurt, anger, fear, anxiety, sad and ALL the things that beset us, and have a damned temper tantrum for the whole world to see that we don’t give two damns about worrying on THEIR feelings about OUR pain. Fuck that. Our pain IS legit. I rage for us all. Tomorrow, I shall return to my uplifting self. Today, fuck that. I am fixing to start a fuck that series on my channel. Should be interesting.
Be encouraged, beloveds. We got this. Yes, even THIS pile of excrement delivered in lemon rinds.
I was just about to get on the fake it til you make it train. I decided NOT to board. I told my mad that SHE was in charge today!
I can NOT bring back my twin. I can NOT stop this bouquet of lemons. I CAN and DO decide to let my mad do with them AND me as she pleases. It shall be an interesting today. These are her first morning salvo texts:
I am NOT okay. I don’t have the bandwidth to pretend I am. I realize ALL I have done since sis passed, since ALL this job hard/ridiculous when it doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be, 17 months of trying to find work hell, tornado, trying to overcome tornado, find a job AND maintain fam relationships, AND make sure twin was okay by calling EVERY day, doing/saying/giving ALL that I have/had has led up to a passed away twin, a damned test on things we don’t know what the hell as we literally have not been able to use the system has all led up to… a pile of hot garbage. Dammit, Lynette, what in the actual fuck have you gone and done at THIS blasted time when it has taken ALL this time to come back from hell just to be put back in it and HAVE to fake it til I make it today?! ANFW.🤬😳😥
One of my bro responded and told me to feel what I feel. I said:
What in the actual fuck? I am angry. I want to call and cuss her out. I can’t which is making me more angry! I don’t swear 🤬. Crap.
This shall be an interesting day. I shall endeavor to be civil and uplifting in this space as I already have a week’s worth of uplifting posts WRITTEN WHEN MY STUPID TWIN WAS ALIVE BUT NOW SHE IS NOT AND I HAVE TO TRY AND MOVE FORWARD AND MOVE PAST AND STAND TEN TOES DOWN ON FAITH AND TRY ANX PASS A DAMNED TEST I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS GOING ON WHILE TRYING TO CONSOLE SIBLINGS WHEN NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REAL AND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK, SIS?!
aski
wondering what in the actual fuck, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am embarrassed. I have blogged for FIVE years. I have encouraged the entire world for five years. I needed the world. The world was it’s usual silent self. Embarrassing. I checked an empty inbox. Embarrassing.
Thanks, Britta, and the few who at least gave a like. My heart was glad.
My twin, my wombie, my friend was found deceased in her apartment yesterday. I just found out a few hours ago.
I think she was waiting for me to get through the first week of training. I KNEW something was wrong.
For months, for weeks I have done all I could, said all I could, prayed all I could, hoped all I could, loved on her all I could.
The bible says God won’t put on us more than we can bear. He surely must think I’m a tough old broad. Geeez, God.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me. I can’t afford to take off the three days of bereavement leave. Perhaps, work will be a distraction.
Wombie is with mom now. Wow. Wow.
Don’t give up, beloveds. Life truly IS worth living. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
I am standing on my faith. Just barely. Am sure I will be pissed off with wombie when the shock wears off. May tell off God a bit also. Could have waited until AFTER Christmas. Holy Jehoshaphat.
If there are ANY praying folk in here, a sister surely could use one or two or fifty. Condolence via email at ttnette37@yahoo.com would be of comfort but ONLY if done out of love and care and NOT guilt.
Life goes on. It has to. I have to. Sis would be holy hacked if I didn’t.
Dammit wombie. What in the actual fuck have you done? Yall going to have to forgive the swear word. I think God will understand, as well.
P.S. Britta, ask your mom to look after my twin for me. Fresh hell.
EVERY corner had some what in the fresh hell is this within in.😳
What did I CHOOSE to do?
I turned on some praise music.
I prepared supper.
I prayed.
I thanked God.
I prayed some more.
I went over my gratefuls.
I was grateful.
I AM grateful.
For the hard.
For all the what in the fresh hell is this found in every corner.
For my hot supper.
For Thursday Night Football.
For God’s Promises that ALL things work together FOR my good and that NO weapon, formed against me, shall prosper.
With ALL the above, what the world do I have to be bothered about?
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
Oh, yea, I forgot to add the phone has decided NOT to dial out and I don’t have back up or landline. Hopefully, it will work itself out before work tomorrow.
Be encouraged. Do NOT waste your joy fretting over things that have ALREADY happened. What are you going to DO?
I am soooooooo grateful for the terribly hard, frustrating, maddening, lonely, challenging and every other ing times I have had this last year and a half.
I cried through them. I laughed through them. Heck, I wondered if I would make it through them.
I did.
I did!
I learned.
I lived.
I lived!
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
I looked around and found many nuggets I can share with others. Even now, I am building a system that is going to assist me with getting rid of almost 9,000 in credit card debt I accumulated to keep the roof over my head.
Now that I start my traing, on Monday, I have things budgeted, to the penny, so I can STOP using the credit cards, pay down/off the cards, save, get 401k back going, and pay all bills. Am creating content to help folk get out of credit card and financial jail.
I have also created work/life calendar so I can have time for work, play, working on my dreams, chores, etc.
This terribly hard time has helped shake me from my slumber. The slumber of “just getting by”, for myself, whilst throwing my all behind helping the world reach THEIR dreams.
I will keep doing that. That said, I am taking MY turn. I matter. My thoughts matter. My dreams count.
Don’t leave YOU out of the equation, beloveds. Don’t be gaslit into thinking that taking care of you is selfish. It is. It must be. You can’t give what you don’t have!
Knowing this, I have been resting. A lot. Too much for some…lol.
Still, for the first time, EVER, I have given myself permission to take this time. For ME.
Today, wombie called. I only had 2% of energy. In the past, I would have grumpily given her time.
I would have harrumphed my way through a conversation I really didn’t want to have, being as I was tired and wanting MY space.
I have been teaching myself to be more considerate. I realize that I had, in the past, used fatigue as an excuse to not be all in a conversation or situation.
I don’t do that anymore. At least, I try not to. Why am I telling on myself?
Well, I recognized sis just wanted to hang out and have a bit of company. HER heart needed to be tended to.
Does that mean that MY need for stillness was not just as important as her need for company? Tough question.
We both talked about this: her need for company. My need for time alone.
We compromised. I gave her some tired moments, whilst making a coffee date for the next day.
We both ended the conversation satisfied.
Life is short. If someone reaches out, beloveds, spare them a few moments. Give them a bit of your love. They reached out because they needed YOU.
This is not a lecture so much as an entreaty for us to remember the importance of life.
If you are too busy to give a wee bit of yourselves to those you love, perhaps you are a smidge too busy, eh?
I’m trying to impart something. My heart is trying to share something of which I am just slowly beginning to grasp. If anyone knows what that is, let me know.
