Author: Cassandra S.

Putting in my application(s) to The Universe.

I have been sitting here. Quietly. Praying.

Then, I found myself talking to The Universe. About what I wanted to DO. With my life.

I told The Universe that I do NOT want to spend another second pursuing anything other than encouraging folk to keep going. Not another second.

After the tornado, I found myself in darkness. It was hot. I was hungry. All the food was ruined. There was no air. There was no power.

I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. Still, ALL I thought of was how soon I could get back to encouraging folk.

My phone had no battery life. My laptop had long since ran out of power. EVERYTHING I had that had power was long used up.

Still, I wondered what I could DO, when the lights came on.

The lights came on. I wonder, now, what I can DO. I feel helpless. I feel powerless. I have nothing. Save my words. Save me. Me is all I have ever had. Doesn’t seem enough. Not now.

Will it ever? Will I ever? Matter? I hope so. I pray so.

I am betting on me. Finally. So, I find myself putting in applications to The Universe. I am sending cover letters of what I hope to bring to the world. I am selling my skills, my try, my want to, my have to.

I am letting The Universe know of all I hope to give, to plan and to do in what time I have left here.

Ah, Universe. Open the door(s) for me. Allow me to spend ALL my day(s) letting folk know how truly special they are. Oh, Universe, expand yourself so I can reach in/up/down/through so I can help make and pave the way for others who seek to do the same as me. Ow, Universe. Your slowness is breaking my heart. Let this be my time.

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Let The Universe know what you want. You don’t get what you don’t ask for…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Uprooted: You shall have your fruit.

I have felt useless today.

Rootless.

Fruitless.

I cried.

I told God it feels like everything I have planted has been for nought.

I don’t SEE the fruits of my labors.

My bank account is empty.

My love tank is empty.

I give out on the daily.

Not a lot returned.

I told God that encouraging the world, on the daily, is NOT paying the bills.

He is silent. Except to say to keep encouraging folk.

Geeeeeeeeeez.

I stopped by to encourage you to keep going. Your efforts SHALL bear fruit. Maybe not the fruit you were expecting or hoping for.

Yet, it SHALL be life-giving. It shall be life-affirming.

For who(m)?

Ah.

Aha!

Great question.

Keep doing you. Keep being you. The rest shall come out in the wash.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My me just doesn’t feel enough lately…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Everything.

Me: 😥

God: What troubles you?

Me: I have nothing. Nothing to give. Nothing of import.

God: What do you give?

Me: Everything.

God: Why is this not enough?

Me: I have nothing to SHOW for my life. All I have is the love in my heart. What does THAT mean?

God: Everything.

Me: To whom?

God: Me.

Me: Now, THAT means everything. To me.

God: As do you. Be encouraged.

Me: K.

I have felt like a whole lot of nothing, lately. Empty of bank account. Empty of fortitude. Empty of peace of mind for long.

Every moment of every day has been hard, since the damned tornado came and tore a whole in what used to be my life.

I have to take out the trash. I get the ‘fun’ job of walking to the dumpster whilst pretending not to see the devastation all around me.

Then, I get to check the mail and gather bills I have no idea how they are going to be paid.

Then, I get to check grocery supplies knowing there is no more money for another delivery.

Then, I get to play the wonderous game of cringing EVERY time I have to turn on the air conditioner under another heat advisory that will NOT end.

Then, I must scrounge around, in my tired heart, to find encouragement for myself and others who are awfully tired of having to be about being about things in a world turned upside down by loss or hard/tough things/days.

Ah, beloveds. Be encouraged. This too shall pass. All things do.

Currently, I am listening to ‘It Is Well’. I wonder when it will be well. For me. For you. For all who are struggling with the lemons life keeps depositing every which way.

Yet, I am here. As are you. Soon, I shall be sipping on a cup of coffee, yakking at God and partaking in some Olympics.

Life is going to life. So, beloveds, must you. So, must I.

Don’t wait for a tornado or a disaster to happen to examine, take stock and take ACTION.

I have been needing to take action, workwise, for years. Years! I have had fam fuss at me. Friends fuss at me. God fuss at me. The Universe holler at me.

Finally, Life had to drop kick me in the face to get me to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE, Cassandra!

I could no longer ignore my fatigue, my dissatisfaction, my dreams and HAD to choose my mental health over a meager work check.

Yea, beloveds, I KNEW I have not been making enough. I was making ‘just enough’ to scrape by. ‘Just enough’ to help fam/friends as they needed. ‘Just enough’ to save a few dollars. ‘Just enough’ to need those few saved dollars for eventual expensive disasters forever popping up.

My ‘just enough’ was keeping me for reaching out and trying for ‘more than enough’, ‘more than plenty’ and all the other things God has been gently asking me to try for.

Dammit.

I am angry, beloveds. At ME. I gave everything. To everyone. But me. Now, I am:

Broke.

Busted.

Disgusted.

Tired.

Yet, I am also:

Joyful.

Hopeful.

Satisfied.

I have given everything. All I have. That IS enough. For God. For me. Hopefully, for you. If not, that’s a YOU problem.

Be not discouraged, beloveds, when it seems like you have given everything and have been left with nothing.

Your everything really has meant everything to more than you know. Your everything HAS been appreciated. God appreciates it. The Universe honors it. Life needed it. Still does.

Keep on being you. Even when being you seems to have brought you to a what in the fresh hell portion of life, just now.

Lift up your head. Look not at what appears empty just now. You shall be filled. As shall I. We just don’t know when…*sigh*.

When, God?

asking for many friends,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep moving forward. You CAN. You WILL. IN case no one has told you: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Heart check Friday.

How is your heart, beloveds?

It’s Friday.

It’s what in the wide world was the week I am having day.

It’s how on earth am I going to make ends meet with THIS day.

It’s all I have done my best day.

It’s all the day God made so I may as well rejoice in it day.

It’s also I have folks who love me in spite of all my dumbness day.

It’s also life is too short to be worrying about things which won’t happen but I can manage when it happens day.

It’s also whatever you choose to make it day.

What are you CHOOSING to make of your Friday, beloveds? Whatever you choose, be sure to liberally sprinkle joy, laughter and a whole lot of cut you some slack in there.

Be encouraged. Be well.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You CAN. You WILL. We got this, beloveds. If we didn’t, reality wouldn’t be so desperate to keep us locked in comfort zones and living lives of quiet desperation. The heck with that! We got thangs to doooooooooooooooo! Let’s go!!!!!!!

In case no one has told you yet today: I love you. So does He. Jesus said ‘What’s up with that?’ Means how are you and stay safe……:)

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

DO something.

When you are feeling afraid.

DO something.

When you are feeling lonely.

Do SOMETHING.

When you are tired of the same old, same old.

DO SOMETHING!

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okay, so what the world are you DOING here? You supposed to be out there living life and DOING thangs. Get to it. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I give my all.

I give my all.

Not knowing, if my all, will be enough.

I give my all.

Not knowing, if my all, will be selected, at all.

I give my all.

Not knowing, if my all, will satisfy, all or at all.

I give my all.

Not knowing.

If my all:

Will satisfy.

Satisfies.

All.

If, at all.

giving my all,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Only those who have truly given their all, and have found their all wanting, seemingly, will understand this piece.

If this is you, be encouraged. Your all WAS, IS, and ever shall be enough. As are you. Be encouraged. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Living with new normal.

Fresh hell.

Ack.

Dammit.

Seems like I spend EVERY day muttering and uttering these words. Here. In my normal. My new normal. This new normal sucks!! I hate it. I hate this.

I hate the not knowing.

I hate the standstill.

I hate not having a job.

I hate that I don’t hate not having a job.

I hate my hesitancy.

I hate my whining.

I hate my complaining.

I am hating everything but the main thing I am REALLY hating:

Ah, beloveds, I am beating up on me because I gave my all to a job that only gave me a paycheck. I thought it ought give me more. Tough to swallow. Much needed, though.

This was on me placing my everything, for almost 15 years, into a job that viewed me as a replaceable thing.

That’s what jobs do. Simple as that. This is also why God implores us to set our hearts on things that are eternal, that lasts, that fulfills.

Us folk stubbornly, stupidly(if you ask me), put our faith in making money in order to make us ‘secure’, ‘necessary’, indispensable’ and on and on.

We already ARE those things. Life has to punch us dead in the mouth before some of us wake up to see this. It took a tornado for me.

Uncle! You win, Life.

I am beginning to see, faintly, how much more I am than what I have done. I tell folk this on the regular. I find I am in need of hearing this for ME.

I was hollering at God, just a bit ago, that my encouraging the world is NOT paying my damned rent! When folks get their encouragement, they find no need for ME!

Ouch. Truth, though. Still, God made me His Encourager. Ask me what the hell for and I won’t be able to tell you. I just know I am. So I do. So I shall.

EVEN IF ENCOURAGING THE WHOLE OF THE DAMNED WORLD IS NOT PAYING MY RENT AND I HAVE NO JOB AND THE DAMNED TORNADO TORE UP MY TOWN AND I AM 55 YEARS OLD AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE HELL TO TURN OR WHO TO TURN TO OR WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS NEW NORMAL I CAN’T STAND!!!!

Ah, beloveds. Pay me no mind. New normal has moved in and I am pouting at where she is putting the furniture. I liked things the way they were. She says no. Says I have been in a rut it took a blasted tornado to shake me out of.

True that. Ow. New normal could give two hoots about hurting my feels.

Be encouraged, beloveds. Even in your new normal. Especially in your new normal. Cut yourself some slack. The unknown is awfully loud with its huge megaphone.

I have no idea what’s next. I DO know what I am going to DO next:

Rejoice.

Hope.

Laugh.

Love.

Wait.

Patiently.

What about you?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is not fair. So what? You got thangs to do. Get out of bed. Take out the trash. Fuss with God. If you must. Just stop with the Superman cape. Asking for Your Friend.

Be encouraged. Be good to you. You have done and are doing all you know. This is enough. The results are not up to us. We have time to do what needs done. As for the rest…*shrug*

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Keep asking.

Real talk, beloveds.

I have wanted to stop.

Asking.

Hoping.

Believing.

Asking, hoping and believing takes a llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooot of work. Particularly, when hard is being especially hard.

What do I DO when I get to feeling this way? After some admitted pouting, I get back after it. I ask. I hope. I believe. Life is much too short to do otherwise.

Yea, I could take the pity party route. Only leads to more waiting and heartache.

Yea, I could do as most do and blame the entirety of the world for my present mess.

Yet, I choose. To ask. To hope. To believe. I got thangs to do.

As do you.

It’s okay to get discouraged. Perfectly fine to pout, just a smidge, at disappointment. Do what you need to then get up and get going. You got thangs to do.

doing thangs despite the heartache,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Unless you are here to pass out snacks, you should be out there doing thangs, living your life, rejoicing in the wonders to come and encouraging some other folk to hang in there. In case no one has told you yet today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Keeping my promise to me.

I don’t feel well.

ALL I want to do is to remain in bed. Moaning. Feeling sorry for myself.

I am terribly annoying when not feeling well. I stomp about. Fussing. Fretting. Sighing. I do lots and lots of sighing. Dramatically.

Anywho, in the midst of my dramatic sighing, good habits reminded me it was time to get up and get some pieces written.

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!

So, I am keeping my promise to myself. I have promised myself a treat of a nice cold glass of orange juice and maybe a cracker or two or twelve.

I just stopped by to let you know you were loved and not alone. I just wanted to let you know you are seen, heard and loved. You are cherished. You are so many things not given much credit for.

Okay, now I have done my due diligence, I have a cup of juice waiting for me. Someone be nice and spread some cheer around here. Last one out turn out the lights. Hopefully, someone shall leave some nice treats for me. Hint…lol.

asking for great blessings for you and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep on keeping those promises you have made to yourself. You can’t help what others do. All you can do is to keep on being good to you. You SHALL be rewarded. I promise. How do I know? Cuz He said so and God ain’t no liar. Be encouraged. Be blessed this day.

Please, please, please stop worrying about bills, how you will do this, how you will make this and make this day an amazing one. Enjoy your moments. Make some hilarious ones. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

What are you filling your heart with?

I am filling my heart today.

With:

Love.

Music.

Peace.

Hope.

Joy.

Thanksgiving.

Song.

Warm thoughts.

Laughter.

Coffee.

Peanut butter cookies.

Okay, so maybe the peanut butter cookies and coffee are not the best things, right now, as I am fighting with a wee bit of a cold.

Still, I am filling my heart with some fabulous Cee Cee Winans. Currently listening to ‘You Are Loved’…….*hugs self*.

It just feels good to be loved, doesn’t it? So, thought I would stop by to tell you how very much you are loved. You are….*hugs folk*.

I wish I had an endless supply of time, money and friends who could help me spread tons of love and joy. Hey! We don’t need a dime to do THAT!

*Cassandra grabs a bucket full of love and joy and begins dumping on all she can get her hands on*

What are you filling your heart with? There is just too much garbage out there to be filling the heart with. Do your best to stay away from all the darkness and divide waiting to swallow a heart whole.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Whatcha got for my heart? For yours? Fill it with wonderfully delicious things eh?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!