Author: Cassandra S.

Shut the hell up, Cassandra, God said to me.

God: Shut the hell up, Cassandra.

Me: Well, that wasn’t very nice of You to say.

God: I meant for you to shut the hell up, beloved.

Me: What in the fresh hockey sticks does THAT mean?!…*pout*.

God: What have you been DOING, beloved, the past few days?

Me: Nothing. Okay, worrying, just a smidge, just a teensy weensy bit.

God: Why? What have you been focusing on?

Me: Well, reality came calling and brought all kinds of doubt with. Then, fear tagged along who ALWAYS runs with doubt. They have all been ganging up on me lately.

God: Why have you not sent them back from the hell from whence they came and reside?

Me: Welllllllllllll nowwwwwwww…..hhmm. They were making really good sense. Especially when 55 showed up and got to hooting and hollering about how vulnerable I am now. No job. NO friends. Not really. Only a few dollars in the bank. Plus I’m 55!!!!!

God: Is that ALL you have?

Me: Well….ehem. No.

God: Why didn’t you come and sit with me? Why did you not bring me your fear(s)? Have I not promised to be there for and with you?

Me: You did.

God: Do you trust me.

Me: With my life.

God: How about trusting me with your finances then? Last I checked the birds are STILL being fed. I can’t recall the last time I broke a promise to you.

Me: You haven’t.

God: Back to my original request:

Shut the hell up, Cassandra!

Me: K.

Be encouraged, beloveds. Change can be scary. The unknown can be terrifying. BUT, ONLY if are listening to utter foolishness that we are unloved and alone. HA!

Kick rocks fear. Take doubts with you. Tell reality to look up. Tell 55 to chill and take two seats. Rest, Cassandra. You CAN. You WILL.

asking for Your Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I did not want to get out of bed this morning. I got up. I did not want to take out the trash or check the mail. I’m fixing to take out the trash and check the mail. Life goes on. I plan on moving on with it. Yes, my view is tough to look at. Destruction everywhere. Yet, things WILL be rebuilt. Somehow. Some kind of way.

Once rebuilt, things shall be different. I AM different. I am learning to make my piece with my new normal. I find myself angry with it. Yet, I was terribly unsatisfied with my old normal. The old normal, however, I knew. The old normal kept me from wandering too far. The old normal kept me from dreaming too loudly.

I find my dreams shouting now.

GO!

DO!

BUILD!

I don’t know how. My dreams no longer care. They were almost wiped out in the tornado. Get going, Cassandra. Ah, God, I don’t know where to start. I don’t know HOW. Heckamiah, God. I’m scared. I’m 55. I’m alone. Yet not. Here I go, Abba. Come with me. Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: I no longer demand justice. I have learned to ask for Just Us.

Life has been hard.

Folk have been cold.

Many, er, most have walked away.

Boldly.

Coldly.

Shockingly.

I am learning, tearfully, to no longer demand justice. I no longer ask or demand folk to stick and stay because I have made the choice to stick and stay.

I stay because I love.

I stick because I have integrity.

I stick and stay because He sticks and stays. I stick and stay WITH Him.

I no longer demand justice. I now ask Him for ‘Just Us’. Meaning, beloveds, I seek HIM and our relationship. All the rest will come out in the wash.

I have no idea what folks will come around. I do know He, The Father, He, Jesus, He, The Holy Spirit will NEVER leave me, nor forsake me.

This, yea, THEY are enough. For me. Yea, I love yall. Yea, I wish for closeness from folk.

If yall don’t come, though, what shall I do?

I shall keep on being me.

I shall keep on loving folk.

I shall keep on keeping on.

I shall do what’s right simply because it’s right.

I shall encourage folk simply because I was made/love to do so.

Simple as that.

God is good.

Life is awesome.

Even when it’s hard.

Especially when it’s hard.

Be encouraged.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was astonished, again, by coldness felt from a supposed friend. These days are sifting the real from the imagined. It hurts. It is necessary. I am grateful.

I appreciate this hard. It is revealing more of me. Ah. Aha!

Keep looking up, beloveds. Don’t worry about justice for all the slights and wrongs you have gone through despite all the rights you continue to do. Keep on doing what’s right. Simply because it’s the right thing to do.

Stop worrying about outcomes. We will probably never truly understand what the world is going on in this world. Do we really need to? All I can do is do the best I can. I am. That shall be enough for me today. As for tomorrow, ask me tomorrow…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

You deserve more.

You deserve more.

More credit than you give yourself.

More love than you allow yourself to have.

More care than you show to yourself.

Ah, beloveds, know ye not how precious you are?

You deserve so much more than you give, allow and show to YOU.

Why will you give to a stranger yet allow nothing much, or at all, for yourself? Great question, eh? Asking for A Friend.

Most of us walk around starved and empty. Depleting ourselves of everything. Giving away everything. Accepting/asking for nothing. Enough with that!

I am doing my utmost to love on me. I can’t believe how unbelievably hard it has been trying to rest. I have been used to working myself into a near coma. Now, Life simply asks for me to be. Just for a time. I have been fighting time like the dickens.

You deserve more, beloveds. So do I. Shame on us, eh, for dismissing these hearts of ours. Let’s do better, shall we? Let’s give ourselves oodles of love and THEN give from the excess.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okay, um, you are supposed to be loving on some you. Whatcha doing here? You want coffee? Okay, let’s have some. Let’s remember tea for all the tea lovers out there…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Hey Mags.

Be encouraged.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged. I have taken the day off from encouraging the world. Okay, I haven’t, but it sounded defiant and restful for a second there.😊🤣

Don’t let life get you down. Rest. Then get back after it. I made ☕ AND 🍵. How great am I? Asking for A Friend. ❤️‍🩹❤️🥰

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Believe it or not.

Life is going to do it’s thing.

Whether you believe it or not.

Time IS going to pass.

Whether you believe it or not.

Love WILL do It’s thing.

Whether you believe it or not.

Disappointment WILL show itself.

Whether you believe it or not.

Frustrations will visit you often.

Whether you believe it or not.

Life DOES move on with/without you.

Whether you believe it or not.

Moments SHALL pass.

Whether you believe it or not.

Opportunity will knock on those willing to answer.

Whether you believe it or not.

Best to get living, beloveds, don’t you think?

Whether you believe it or not, your life is waiting on YOU. What in the fresh hell are YOU waiting for?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I never thought I would live to see the day I would be grateful for a tornado tearing up my life. I am grateful. For being forced to DO something. With ME. I have been pondering and pouting my way through this last little while. Blaming God for being silent. Blaming work for not being fulfilling. Blaming the world for…*shrug*…sure is a lot we can blame the world for.

Blaming family for not understanding. Blaming friends for not being supportive with no knowledge of what was really going on with me. Blaming me for EVERYTHING.

Enough, God said. Get up and DO something. I have. I am. I’m trying.

I wish these next steps did not have to be taken. They do. And, only by me. You have your own steps to take. Let’s get to taking them. Yes, we are tired of all this life tomfoolery. Yes, we would love to be there already. Yes, we would appreciate some help. Nevertheless and however we go. Let’s go! Asking for A Friend. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Repeat after me: It’s not my fault.

Repeat after me:

It’s not my fault.

I gave my all.

I tried my best.

I loved best I could.

I gave all of me.

It’s not my fault.

I WAS there.

I WAS present.

I WAS ready.

It’s not my fault.

I stayed.

I fought.

I prayed.

It’s not my fault.

Things ended.

Things end.

As they were/are meant to.

It’s not my fault.

I did NOT deserve what happened.

That said, it happened.

I choose to deal with, heal from, then leave the past IN the past.

I move forward.

I remain hopeful.

I promise to be good to me.

Repeat after me:

It’s not my fault.

That being the case, beloveds, why are you STILL lamenting the loss? Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Keep going. You have a life of wonder to live. As do I.

For days I have been crying in the silence that greets me now. I thought an outpouring of love would come for me, by now. It hasn’t. The silence grows. Louder. More insistent. Wondering how I will fill it.

I’m choosing to sit here. In the silence. I shall wait to see what Life, what God, what The Universe shall say to me. Now. Here. In this tough place. In this new and terrifying space. Ah, God. What in the wide world do I DO with me now?

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t fear the silences, beloveds. They come for a reason. Don’t rush to fill them with noise and distraction. Sit with them. See what they shall say to you. In the meantime, STOP judging yourself and beating yourself up for things long since past. Move on. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

You are not an accident.

You are not an accident.

You are anon purpose.

With a purpose.

Your steps have been purposeful.

You are being led purposefully.

Your happenstance is not mere happenstance.

You are here for a reason.

Your choices have not been by accident.

You have made them based upon the knowledge you had at the time.

You have grown because of you choices.

You are growing based off your present choices.

Don’t fear your future choices.

Keep moving.

Forward.

Knowingly.

Knowing you are doing the best you can with what you know now.

Know this:

You are not an accident.

You are an on purpose.

With a purpose.

What IS your purpose?

Ah.

Aha!

Keep asking, beloveds.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I  keep asking God WHY my life did not end in that tornado. His Silence is defeaning. I ask myself why I can not remain silent as I make my way through whatever the hell this hell is.

My heart just says there are too many hearts that are shouting to be loved. Ah, God. I am inadequate. What can I give but words? They are all I have. I can’t seem to do them justice. Help me say the right words that will let folk know they don’t have to live in darkness or behind walls.

I end where I started: You are not an accident. Neither am I. We ARE loved and we are not alone.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, thank You for the lemonade.

Life has been handing me lemons.

By the bushel.

By the boatload.

I wake up to lemons.

I seem to end the evening with the damnable things.

I have pouted because of them.

I have cried my way through them.

I have fussed due to them.

I have laughed despite them.

In the meantime, I have been learning new, more creative, ways to make lemonade. I figure there is no need to be wasting all this hard by complaining how hard things are and have been.

Slowly, I have perfected each glass:

A dab of laughter here.

A smidge of drama there.

A whole heap of grace mixed in.

A smattering of reality.

Oodles and oodles of self care and comfort liberally throughout each glass.

What’s more, beloveds, I now keep snacks handy to have with said lemonade!

Life is much too short to forever lament about how unfair, hard, mean yada yada it can be.

I would not have wished for these lemons to be presented in such a fashion. I am thankful for the opportunity to…*shrug*. I’m just thankful.

I wish I didn’t have to go this way. It has been super stressful, lonely, trying and every other ‘ing one could think of. It has also been exhilarating, freeing, and every other positive ‘ing one could imagine.

If nothing else, I have plenty of fodder to encourage folk with, eh?….hahahahaahahahahaha.

Be encouraged, beloveds, if Life has you going through an especially tough patch. This time is NOT here to break you. It is just revealing the awesome heart, mind and soul called you.

Take care with your heart. It is much too priceless and precious to be dismissed. Be good to you, beloveds. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing all you know.

Life is too short to be wasting lamenting why you have been given your lemons. Get to making a nice tall glass of lemonade. Short of that, get to make some pie, tarts, cookies or whatever else you want to make from your lemons.

What you make of your lemons, with your hard, with your life is YOUR choice. No victims here. We get what we make out of our lives.

I hear a cup of coffee calling. Who is hankering a spot of coffee/tea?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is worth living. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Don’t give up, beloveds. Not quite yet. I didn’t want to start again. I started again. I did not want to fight with reality. I punched reality in the face and told it to leave me and my joy alone. I did not want to dream again. Dreaming is just too hard. I dreamed. I dream. Still. I dream of a world where we all continue to love one another and to try and make things the best we can.

In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He. Be encouraged. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Shut up and learn, Cassandra.

My brother has been trying to teach me.

I have been a trying student. Trying his last nerves. Yikes!

Instead of answering his questions, I have been questioning why he is asking.

I sowwy, big bro.

I am trying to learn to keep it shut and learn. The way HE teaches me. If anyone but my big bro, I would have probably been more patient, more gracious, more understanding.

I don’t know why we can be sooooooooooo dismissive of siblings and loved ones. Maybe it’s because we know each other’s secrets. We don’t have masks we can hide behind.

Ah.

Aha!

I’m trying to let those closest to me, close to me.

I’m trying to get out of my own way. I keep telling myself to shut up and learn. Learning sucks about now. I want to be finished with finishing school.

The Universe: Shut up and learn, Cassandra.

Me: K.

trying to learn sorta,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I don’t know why Life is sooooooooooooooo insistent we learn this, that and the other. Probably so we can stop getting on It’s nerves forever asking why this and why that…hahahahahhaha. Be encouraged. Have an amazing weekend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Saturday.

Saturday.

You are here.

Finally!

What a week.

What in the world, Saturday, took you sooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to get here?

Ah, Saturday, now that you have come, what shall we DO, today?

I vote nothing. How ’bout you?

asking for a friend(me)

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The Olympics have started! Yippeee!! I get to hoot and holler at the television for the next little while. Have an amazing Saturday. Be sure to love on you today. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!