God: Sometimes, what you really want is not what you REALLY want.
Me: Whatcha mean?
God: What do you want? REALLY?
Me: Well, I want/need a sabbatical from work.
God: Why?
Me: Well, I NEED a sabbatical so I can have:
Time to write.
Time to rest.
Time to explore.
God: Why can’t you do those things now?
Me: I’m toooooooooooooo busy at work.
God: Don’t you get off days?
Me: Well, yea…
God: Does your job work you around the clock?
Me: Well, no…
God: Answer me this: Would working, for yourself, alleviate all your supposed money-related stresses?
Me: Well…hmm. Actually, there would be MORE stress as I would have to be the one fighting to keep funds in the bank, taking care of taxes owed, keeping fresh influx of cash coming in…
The more I questioned what I wanted…
The more I looked into what I desired to do for God, for folk, for me, the more I became:
Thoughtful.
Introspective.
Hopeful.
I just wanted to be. I just want to be. Me. That’s it.
I can be me anywhere.
I can be me working anywhere.
I can work on my dreams from anywhere.
Until then, I am enjoying my job. Right now. Right here. I thought I was frustrated and stifled because of my job.
It turns out I was frustrated and stifled because I didn’t fully KNOW what I wanted to do. What I wanted to be, with my life.
I was raised to dismiss me and my thoughts and dreams and hopes so I could serve others. Then, when I gave my life to Christ, I fell into the deep chasm of having to wait to be ‘chosen’ in order to be of service.
I was told I had to wait to be selected/assigned/called/yadayada/(insert your own buzz words here).
I was also told I would never be ‘used of God’ until I ‘came out of my pants’. Until I praised more quietly. Until I did this, that and the other thing.
I was told my passionate faith would ‘get old’ and would ‘wear out’ as it was just ‘baby faith’. SMH. I am as passionate, now, as I was all those decade ago. In fact, I love me some Him all the more.
I say all of that, beloveds, to say this:
God loves you. Period. Nuff said.
God loves YOU!
Yes, He appreciates your service. Yet, if you didn’t do another thing, if you lifted not another finger, if you served not one more soul, you would STILL be loved by God.
It breaks my heart there are so many folks who are ‘paying rent’ to the world, trying to pay rent to God and The Universe to earn the right to breathe. To be seen. To be loved. To be cherished.
You are all of those things and more, beloveds.
ALL God wants to do is to love you. Period. ALL He needs is your fellowship. Period.
It took decades for me to FINALLY give my shovel, my broom, my arms to God and simply sit with Him. BE with Him. Be loved by Him. Ah, God, how beautiful it is to KNOW I am loved and that I am NOT what I do.
In a sense, beloveds, if you love you some Him, your very life IS your ministry. Just you being you serves your fellow man. Just you loving, the way YOU love, sooooooooooooooo impacts the world around you.
Just you offering a hand, a prayer, a thought, an act of kindness, a smile, a hug, a boot to the rear, an admonition, a laugh, a gift, does so much to brighten all around you.
Be encouraged, beloveds. I’m tired and not sure my thoughts are being communicated beyond my brain fog and swollen fingers.
The bible says we are the branches. We are NOT the vine. We are not responsible for growing the grapes. We just ‘hang out’ whilst the grapes grow on us branches, eh?
I can normally articulate what it is my heart. My heart is too full, I guess, to come out in an orderly way. Crap.
Sometimes, what you really want, is not what you REALLY want.
What do you want?
REALLY?
I dare you to ask yourself so you can find out. The answer(s) may surprise you. Mine surprised me. If any would like to yak a bit further about this, shoot me an email: ttnette37@yahoo.com.
Be well.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Ah, God. Give us some answers please/thanks. Asking for some friends.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 