I am currently jamming to a ‘My Mix’ selection my YouTube Premium has made for me.
It’s full of old songs I love mixed in FANTASTIC songs I have never heard of!
I was hesitant to allow this. I didn’t want no stupid YouTube selecting for me. How did it know what I would enjoy? It didn’t. It wouldn’t beloveds, until I got over my fear of new things so I could enjoy and discover, well, new things.🥰😂
To my astonishmentand delight, I found the mixes fantastic!!!
So often, we don’t try new things because we are:
Set in our ways.
Used to old ways.
Afraid the new will be a detriment.
Concerned the new will displace the old.
Worried we should not try THAT.
Fearful of being judged for trying/doing THAT.
Truth be told, beloveds, we need to being a whole like more of those THATs that God/Life/The Universe have been trying to get us to experience.
I have found I have enjoyed many THATs that I had initially thought would be hard, boring, concerning, or a million other ‘ings that never happened. Smh.
I’m learning to trust God’s Mixed Tapes He fashions for my life. He KNOWS me. He knows what I would enjoy. He knows what concerns me. He wants the best for my life.
So do I. I am learning to be more open to experience new things, new opportunities, new relationships.
Yes, there are pitfalls and things we have to account for. Still, the entirety of the world is not a pitfall.
Life is a joy. Life comes with potholes. So what? That’s why we have a brain and body to maneuver around and fix them! 😎😂
I’m trying something new. It’s not working. Instead of getting frustrated, I went back to working on some pieces.
Don’t let frustrations with not knowing keep you from trying things. Keep trying. You will get it. Eventually.
In the meantime, continue to enjoy the journey. Instead of allowing myself to get frustrated, I switched to what I knew until I could learn the other. That way I could still enjoy my day.
The thing I need to DO, so I can make what I want, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO YET!!!!!
I am pressing this, selecting that, trying the other.
ALL I have managed to do, beloveds, is spend three or four hours doing things wrong.
I keep telling myself to be patient. I keep fighting the urge to want to fling open the front door and hence my laptop over the balcony!!…*stamps foot*…*pout*.
Instead I have been:
Taking deep breaths.
Counting to 10.
Recounting to 10.
Telling myself to keep on counting to 10 so as not to snatch OPEN THE FRONT DOOR AND HEAVE MY LAPTOP OVER THE RAILING!!!!!!!!
Whew, it’s either laugh, cry, or toss my laptop over the railing.
I chose to laugh. I have taken a short break so I can listen to upbeat music to save my laptop from taking a beating.
The old me would have quit, angry, hours ago. The resolved me keeps reminding the old me that learning NEW things takes time. A lot of it, apparently. Whew!
Things will come. I am following my heart. Finally. Ah, God, this feels good. Even the aggravating parts.
The things I NEED to know, in order to do what I need to do, I don’t know how to do…yet.
I’m waiting for yet to catch up with me!😤💯🥰🫶
waiting for yet, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged, beloveds. Change takes time. Learning takes time. Be sure to carry enough joy and laughter with you to get through the aggravation. 😎
Then, NEVER give up on you on your dreams, on your future, on your hopes for mankind.
Remember, beloveds.
Chaos wants you to think it has always and always will be here. It hasn’t. It won’t. It shan’t. It mustn’t. It can’t.
WE decide how long we will allow chaos inside us, around us, between us.
I choose to remember a time where most of us cared about all of us. We can return to that time. In the meantime, I am BEING that time/person/safe space.
I wanted to pick up my dream toys and go home. I still want to. This is what I texted my sis:
Am pretty discouraged. I did the last thing to do when launching by sending link out instead of waiting for the algorithm to suggest and send out my video.
YouTube sends to small sample of my subscribers and if they watch, they send to more folk etc. The problem is not the first video but no one watched the second onward so YouTube is not pushing them out. I could kick myself.
Terribly disappointed only the six folk watched. I appreciate the ones who did.
I know fam and friends typically do not rush to their folks channel. I could kick myself. I was super proud of accomplishing a goal of many years. I wasn’t thinking about folk living their lives.
I wish I wasn’t a creative person. I wish I didn’t care so much. I wish what I did paid the bills. I wish…
I decided to stop round and tell someone to hang in there. I started with me.
The mandate God gave me when I was just a wee one.
Just write. Encourage others. Be encouraged yourself.
I did that. For years. For decades. I was happy. I didn’t have much in the way of money. I didn’t care. I wrote. I encouraged folk. I encouraged me. I enjoyed my relationship with God.
I did so. Happily. For 40 years. After that, beloveds, I allowed hard to become too hard. Okay, real talk…*sigh*.
About that time, God prodded me to move on to writing in order to make a financial way and life for myself. I was afraid to. I dressed it up behind not being ready financially. I told myself I would do so when I was stable/able/had a platform.
I made up a million reasons/excuses/situations/circumstances. Oh, I didn’t do so out in the open, beloveds. I was much more discreet. I made sure to wrap things up in piety and humility so folks wouldn’t know, so I wouldn’t know I was just terrified to try and fail.
In doing so, I locked myself into a prison of comfort/sameness/you had best not move/goodness and gravy you could lose everything frame of mind and kept my head down.
I helped others reach their goals. I worked to help work achieve theirs. I killed myself in order that others didn’t have to. I enjoyed doing so.
Still, I had the longing to try things MY way. I wanted to write weird things. I wanted to say ridiculous things. I wanted to make a living encouraging the entire world. That desire never left. I buried it. I crammed it in drawers when it got to noisy.
I turned up the noise in my life when that desire became too loud to ignore.
THAT desire, though, got so blasted hard to ignore and carry around, in my heart. I begged God to take the dream from me. I besought The Universe to leave me alone and bug someone else. I bartered with Life to allow me to just hide among mundane things. None listened.
My heart refused to be silent. One day, about a year before the tornado hit, the horrifying thought that what I truly wanted to do I could NOT afford to, financially, truly set in.
I felt trapped at work. I enjoyed my work but it wasn’t MY work. I was miserable, then, doing anything other than what my heart had truly wanted to do.
The tornado came and upset my apple cart. I had to begin again. I had to ask myself if I was going to return to that awful, awful, awfully discouraging activity of working for a job I should have left years ago. Yes, it paid the bills. Still, it had been time for me to find something else so I could begin to build on my dreams.
I hesitated because other jobs paid far, far less than what I made. Yes, I could have made it while earning less but moving towards MY writing future. I was scared to bet on me. I was scared to take the chance. The tornado took that option out of my hands.
I decided to bet on me. To do so until there is no more me. How will I make it? I have not the foggiest idea. I can say I have been having a blast fighting through all the fear, all the hard, all the discomfort, all the not knowing. It has been maddening. It has also been a hoot.
Why? Because, I am walking towards MY future. I may fail. I have failed a billion times, already. I am failing forward. I am working towards something just for ME. Ah, God. How exhausting. How entertaining. How exasperating.
Still, I have gotten back to just writing. Just write, God said to me.
I will.
I do.
I am.
writing just cuz He said to,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: It feels good living a life free from fear. I’m not worrying about how the bills are going to be paid. The only thing I’m worried about is whether I’m going to put French vanilla Creamer in my coffee!
Fear not. Things will workout. Don’t spend your night afraid that you’re going to lose. You are going to lose at times. You’re going to win at times. You would lose some things, you would gain some things. Life is going to life. Make the best of things. Enjoy the journey along the way.
God reminding me of days when I trusted Him completely.
God reminded me of when I lived life free from fear and despair.
God reminded me of all the times I laughed when doubt came my way.
God reminded me of all the fight I had in me when I thought all had been lost.
God reminded me of all the days I laughed my way through difficulty.
God reminded me of all I had done to be the best me that I could.
Then, God reminded me to keep on being me, He kissed my gently on the forehead then got about His Business which was taking care of my business and yours…lol.
Be reminded, beloveds, of all you have been, of all you have done, of all the victories you have won, of all the battles you have fought, of all you have yet to experience and enjoy.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: What do you need to be reminded of, beloveds?
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 