Category: Writing

Honest(y).

It’s time.

Time for me to be honest.

With me.

With Him.

With you.

Yesterday, I questioned everything. Everything!

My faith.

My faith in me.

My faith in Him.

My faith in my dreams.

The 🌪 has destroyed what little financial room I had. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I don’t know HOW to make up all the finances I have lost.

Today, I was honest. I just could NOT do the day. So, I didn’t. I gave myself the day to let my heart do what it needed to do. As for me? I slept. I ate chicken strips. Rinse. Repeat. ALL day. Wonderful.

What shall I DO tomorrow?

I wish I knew.

The only thing I DO know is I am going to be honest.

With me.

With God.

With you.

It sure can be hard to be honest with oneself. It’s super easy to lie to ourselves. I am doing my best not to do so. I owe myself the truth. I owe God the truth. I owe you the truth, beloveds.

I normally don’t look at numbers. The past couple of days I have peeked and saw a view here, two views there. I became discouraged.

Then, I became delighted. I was happy in the knowledge one or two or a few wandered by so I could let them know how very much they are loved and not alone. I tell you the same.

I hear a cup of coffee calling. Who is coming? Don’t forget the snacks!

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be honest with you, beloveds. Be honest. If life is being a bit suckery right now it’s okay to say so. Life is sucking a big lemon for me at the moment. Ah, God. What the world are you doing? Hurry up and…just hurry. Asking for my friends.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If you want to get there in a hurry, take your time.

Time.

*sigh*

Accomplishing things takes time.

And, more time.

And, more time.

And…

You get the point.

The older I grow, the faster I learn that I need to slow down!😳

Take your time, Cassandra!

Do it right the FIRST time, Cassandra!

Why are you in such a hurry for anyway, Cassandra?!

I have been in a big fat hurry to get to nowhere.

Annoying.

Maddening.

Frustrating!

The Fourth of July is coming. It’s supposed to celebrate independence.

I don’t feel independent.

I feel:

Stuck.

Ack.

Memorial Weekend brought a weekend I will never forget and was awfully memorable in a terribly horrible way. It’s hard to celebrate now. I am going to celebrate being alive.

I am going to do my best, I hope, I think, I’ll try, to take my time and allow life to unfold as it will.

I am learning how not to hurry. Change takes time. Lots of it.

As I hurry, towards my future, I take my time to enjoy the scenery.

Wait.

Patiently.

Take your time.

You will get there.

Or, you won’t get there but will have learned some fantastic lessons along the way. Or, you will have found new adventures!

Be encouraged. Rest. Take your time. Rinse. Repeat.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: If someone else tells me how short life is I may scream. What do you mean I am the one forever saying this? This is true. Still, enjoy the bits of it that we have shall we? In case no one has told you this today: I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: Trying 😳

I’m trying, beloveds.

Trying to remain joyful.

Trying to remain hopeful.

Trying not to want to kick the entirety of the world to the curb.

I’m angry with God.

I’m angry with me.

I told my twin earlier that ‘who am I’ that the world would CARE?

Sure enough, folk have reached out to me to express their ‘admiration’ for my ask and promptly expressed their helpful intentions to part me from money I don’t have so they can help me with my campaign.

😳

I’m not angry. Just sad at a world that takes advantage of folk who are hurting.

Be encouraged, beloveds. Keep reaching out. Yes, you shall have to weed out all the scammers who shall reach for your pocket and not your heart.

Still, you shall meet many priceless treasures, such as I have found in you, who will bless you beyond measure.

I made myself make my page so I can teach myself how to reach out for ME. The very fact I have done so is a win. For ME.

I have loved me by asking.

I have chosen me by asking.

I have supported me by asking.

All priceless.

To me.

Keep loving and fighting for YOU, beloveds.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Trying. 😳

My internet provider texted me a bit ago:

UPDATE: We’re sorry this complex network issue is taking longer than expected to resolve. Rest assured, a dedicated team is actively working to restore consistent service. We apologize again for the inconvenience and will continue to provide daily text updates.

I have been hearing this for almost a month now. Instead of diving over the railing, I creates a new GoFundMe:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/stand-with-cassandra-tornado-recovery-fund?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=customer&utm_campaign=man_sharesheet_ft&attribution_id=sl:e0951982-d0c9-4781-a455-42e63ec6b8b1

I must admit, I am having a tougher time scraping joy from all this.

Be encouraged. This I tell myself today.

Beloveds, I am going to spill and let you know I fear no one will care, and the world will tell me to kick rocks. Or, ignore my ask. Again.

I think I will go find a cup of ☕ coffee. Perhaps, I have poured out enough love in the world to have woken up The Universe for me today.

I asked God this morning not to let my heart get 💔 broken. Again.

If so, I will remain hopeful.

Ah, God. Where ARE You?

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Do it for you.

The last few days, I have been…

Questioning?

Wondering?

Asking?

I have been studying and pondering what I want to contribute to the cyber world.

Do I want/need to create a YouTube channel?

Do I want/need to…

I DO want to encourage.

I DO want to exhort.

I DO want to kick folk in the hind end to stop that already!

For me.

For folk.

For…*shrug*.

I look at all these content creators who are hiding behind smiles and cute/clean studios and want to shake them.

Stop that!

Be you!!!

You do NOT have to perform like a seal to be loved!

Ack!

This blog is small. I wish I had a million folk. Why? Because that’s a million folk who would daily hear they are loved and not alone.

All I can do is to be me.

That’s it.

That’s all.

Be me and do it for me.

Be me and do it for me as I do it for Him.

Be me and do it for me as I do it for you.

Life is short.

Get out there and live the life you have been wanting to live. Tell fear to shut it and take two seats. If fear won’t shut up, take fear along with you until it gets bored and takes doubt and fatigue with it!

Get after it.

Do you.

doing me with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okaaaaaaay, you are supposed to be out there being you for me, remember?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Call me Tank!🥊

I have been up.

All night.

ALL night.

Watching 🥊 boxing.

Why?

I am angry.

Angry at a world that sent a 🌪 tornado that has turned my actual world upside down.

Angry, a tiny bit, at:

Life?

Me?

God?

Me?

The Universe?

Me?

You?

Me?

Me?!

Hmm.

Okay, beloveds. I have been found out. I am angry at ME!😡🤯😳🥺😥😠❗️🚨🤗🥊🌪❤️‍🩹

Why?

I have been asking myself and asking myself and asking myself and asking myself WHY, truly, REALLY, HONESTLY I have not yet fulfilled MY dreams.

I have helped many fulfill theirs. I have prayed many through their frustration as they worked towards their dreams.

I have celebrated THEIR successes. I have been proud of them. I still am.

As for me and MY dreams…*sigh*.

I made them wait.

I put them on hold.

I told them my turn would come.

Someday.

I had to be:

Practical.

Prudent.

Mindful.

In my eyes, my dreams don’t pay much. Or, no one would pay for work produced by MY hands.

My work was not worthy to be purchased by the masses.

My work was not of the quality to grace the halls of those in the know.

My work wasn’t this.

My work wasn’t THAT.

My work ALWAYS fell short, somehow.

I had no proof, beloveds.

I was just afraid to try.

I was afraid my work would be rejected.

I was afraid I would be rejected.

Ah.

Aha!

I’m afraid of rejection, no more. Rejection has been my daily bread for so long I am used to it…*shrug*.

Now, I am angry at the darkness that has made so many afraid.

Now, I am angry at apathy that is allowing hate to run rampant.

Now, I am angry at lazy for allowing so many wasted moments, minutes and days to pile upon one another.

Now, I am angry at all that I have allowed to hold me back.

Now, I am utilizing all that anger so I can defeat ALL that which besets me and tries to get in my way.

Ha!

Move!

I got thangs to do!

Call me Tank!..lol. That’s who was pummeling his foe. Yikes! Whew! Glad it wasn’t me up in that ring.

After the fight, I was ready to get back in MY fight. For so many days, too many days, I have been wandering around all dazed and confused. Afraid to go outside. Afraid to clean out the fridge and throw away all the spoiled food I had paid a bajillion million dollars for.

Now, I rise. I take out the trash, in the midst of the rubble that is now my neighbohood.

Now, I put on boxing gloves so I can continue to fight Reality which comes, on the daily. Taunting me. Telling me I am an old, washed up lady whose time has long passed her by.

Reality says love left with the tornado. My dreams were swept away by the horrible winds that reaped destruction for all the world to literally see.

Yet, I find myself hopeful. Still Shhhhhhhhheeeeeeut!

Ah, God. Why, oh, why, did you not allow hope to be taken away with the tornado? All this hope, unfulfilled, is weighting me down. My heart still years, still burns to do…..dammit, I don’t KNOW. It has been yearning for decades.

Release me. Let me be the me You keep insisting is in here. Where is she? Allow her to be. Only You can help me now. All the rest is but sinking sand. Goodness and gravy.

asking wearily for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Ah, God. When shall THIS battle end? Asking for a friend(me).

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Uprooted: Blessed.

My life has been uprooted.

Literally.

I am in limbo.

Literally.

I am at peace.

Truly.

I am blessed.

I’m blessed to be alive.

I’m blessed to have a few friends who love me.

I’m blessed to have some fam members who amazingly puts up with me.

I’m blessed to be loved by God.

I’m blessed to be cherished by The Universe.

I’m blessed to be looked after by Life.

I’m blessed.

No, my bank account is not full.

Still, I’m blessed.

No, I do not have a significant other to hold me through these dark/lonely times.

I’m blessed, still.

No, I have NO idea how/where/when I shall make it.

That said, I’m blessed.

Why?

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

My life has been uprooted.

Yet, I stand:

On The Word.

Supported by His Hands.

Uplifted by His Love.

My faith, daily tested.

My heart, forever restless.

My joy, ceaselessly abounding.

Why?

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

Neither are you, beloveds.

No matter your circumstance.

No matter your situation.

Be encouraged, today.

Don’t waste your time worrying about tomorrow. None of us knows what tomorrow may bring.

Live today.

Let all the rest come out in the wash as it will.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Being uprooted is no fun. It’s disconcerting. It’s frightening. It’s discouraging. It’s discomfiting. It’s all the awful ‘ings one can think of. Still, there is an immense amount of joy to be found in the very heart of the disaster, no pun intended.

You shall find sooooooooooooooooo many things whilst combing through the remainder. And, what remains is what has ever remained before: You. Him. All else SHALL be added, in time.

Be at peace. Even as you heal. Even as you wait. Even as you wonder. Even as you wander. You got this. God has us all. How do I know? For the bible tells me so…lol

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Egads, I don’t know how.

Egads!

Yikes!

Geezzz!

I have stumbled on a frustratingly frustrating truth…

I don’t know how!

😳

I don’t know HOW to:

Rest. For me.

Dream. For me.

Hope. For me.

Not really.

I’m used to ALWAYS going.

For others.

Never for me.

I’ve never been given a turn. Always told to do for others. Work for others. Try for others.

I’m not complaining. I love doing for others. Yet, God has told me to rest. God has asked me what I desire for ME. God wonders what I hope for. For me.

I am trying. To rest. I can’t seem to find it. There seems to be so much to DO. Ack!

How do we get off this hamster wheel, beloveds? How do we stop chasing all the things we have been told to chase all of our lives?

Someone let me know.

I am tired.

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: If some pieces seem unfinished….*shrug*. I am unfinished. My heart is straining to say things I don’t yet understand. I am too busy wondering where in the fresh hell all this hard has come from and dammit when in the hell is it moving outta here already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know HOW and am driving myself up ten walls. God, please show me how. Please. Asking for a friend(me).

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: I’m trying to be.

I’m trying to be.

The friend I need.

I’m trying to be.

The support I desire.

I’m trying to be.

The hope I require.

I’m trying to be.

The joy I seek.

I’m trying to be.

The love I long for.

I’m trying to be.

The help I have asked for.

I’m trying to be.

The care I need.

I’m trying to be.

The laughter I strain to hear.

I’m trying to be.

The passion I wish to hold near.

I’m trying to be.

The heart I hope to cherish forever.

I’m trying to be.

All I hope to have shown towards me.

Until then…

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When I was finally ready to ask The Universe to help me to fulfill my dreams, The Universe asked me to look at, look out, for champion the needs of, exhort, cheer for, root for, give to and pray for others.

I wondered why. I asked God why this ask. God told me to ask Life. I asked Life how this would help me to fulfill MY ask, MY dreams, MY goals.

They all asked me to trust. Then to do.

I have. I did. To my surprise/joy/humor, I found doing those things were my dreams, my heart’s desire, my true ask.

Whodathunkit?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to fall.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to fail.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to feel.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to wonder why.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to wonder why not.

It’s okay, God said to me.

I have been doing ALL of these things. Seemingly, all at once. All the time. I’m exhausted.

It’s okay…lol.

I wish I could be writing of other things. Soon, hopefully, I shall be writing from the beach as some wonderfully chesty hunka hunka burning love is feeding me grapes and fanning me as I read and wonder what other delightfully lazy thing I shall NOT do for the rest of the lazy day.

Ah, God. Hurry up, wouldja please?

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s okay, beloveds. Be how you are. From right where you are. Only you know what you are going through. Others may try and sympathize. They have NO idea of all that you have gone through. All you are going through now. Be encouraged. All things have their end.

God sure does seem awfully slow this time, eh?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!